This House Believes That Scotland Should be an Independent Country

165th Session XXIVth Meeting 15th May 2014

The twenty fourth, and last, Ordinary Meeting of the 165th Session of the Literary and Scientific Society took place at 7pm on the 15th of May 2014 in The Canada Room. The meeting was attended by 60 members.

Miss Pouryahya chaired in place of Mr Kydd who chose to speak at this debate.
The honorable President, Mr Adam Kydd, was asked by James McaAlister for the final
time what he had enjoyed for breakfast that morning. Subsequent presidents questions
were asked by Andrew Carruthers, Jonathan Finlay, and Nic Brinza.

Miss Pouryahya then moved the house to address the motion THIS HOUSE BELIEVES

Mr Eoin McGarrity opened for the proposition arguing the case for the re-establishment of
a Literific/ law society fraternity. No. He moved on to remind the house that 591 members
of Parliament are not Scottish and yet legislate for Scotland, criticizing the slyness of the
government suggesting that Westminster does not work in Scotland’s interest. Mr
McGarrity concluded with the idea that Scottish people should be in charge of Scottish

Mr Adam Kydd then opened for the opposition likening the possibility of Scotland leaving
the UK to leaving a comfy house for smelly student digs. He suggested that Scotland can
better serve Scotland’s poor by remaining part of the UK and urged the house to
remember the lessons of the recession when the Bank of Scotland was bailed out by the
UK. Mr Kydd concluded that being better together meant the successful sharing of

Mr Connor Hogan continued the case for the proposition by arguing that the Union has not
shown its worth as can be seen by the extortionate price of a pint. He conceded that a
currency union may be positive and workable but that the UK political elite act against

Mr Adam Reilly continued the case for the opposition emphasizing the balance between
self-determination and democracy. He spoke about philosophical experiments concerning
italians, social democracy, tax and hunger. He concluded by describing the Union as the
Nation of Enlightenment.

Mr Benjamin Christman furthered the propositions case… we think. Sarcasm oozed from
the intellectuals pores while he brought out a fetching set of teacups and a bottle of
buckfast. Needless to say never a more patriotic act had there been in the bosom of the
Canada room. Likening conservative MPs to chinese pandas, Mr Christman urged the
house to remember that we simply don’t know what’s good for us, being the savages that
we are. Mr Christman concluded by leading the house in three toasts: the first To George
Osbourne, servitude and poverty. The second To David Cameron and patriarchy
#womenaredangerous. And the third, To Blair, racism and the British Empire.

Miss Katy Waller continued the case for the opposition… in rhyme. It was amazing and the
minutes will never do it justice so here are the highlights. Dr Who was Scotland’s fault,

Miss Naomh Gibson closed the case for the proposition claiming that heritage is… male
cow excrement, comparing the Scottish Independence to a parents divorce and
abandonment issues. Miss Gibson spoke of Alex Salmond’s sensuality and urged the
house not to engage in intercourse with UKIP.  She concluded with the argument, ‘Scotland
is Jack, let it go Rose.’

Mr Alexander Horkan closed the case for the opposition arguing that Scottish
independence would act as its own tartan noose and asked the house to consider to price
of FREEDOM (Braveheart style). He spoke about the NHS and a Caldonian Eutopia
before telling us a story about a dancing Santa and a bemused shop keeper.

The motion was opened to the floor and questions were heard from Conor Hayes, Andrew
Carruthers, Connor Conneally, Marie-Louise Synnott, Patrick Mallon, James McAlister and
Paul Shannon.

The motion was defeated with 3 abstentions, 18 ayes and 19 neighs.
A motion of thanks was granted to the law-soc and we retired, for the final time, to the
House Bar.


Comedy Debate: This House Would Be a Student

The 21st Ordinary Meeting of the 165th session of the Literific took place on the 3rd of April in the Senate Room. The motion was This House Would Be a Student and saw three comedians battle against three students. Oh yeah.

George Quinn opened the debate for the supposedly funny people. He talked about how depressing his life is but more importantly there was magic. He said students are lucky to do what they like, to not have a job and to not have to feel guilty about it. Viorel Vlad spoke from a postgraduate point of view, remembering the days of undergraduate. We need people with all that time on their hands to progress humanity and serve you your food. Neil Dickson compared his life with that of his friends that went to university. He brought up the unique ability of students to go out five days a week and the greatness of learning about random stuff.

Cap’n Gallagher, going against his Union responsibilities, opened for the opposition. He argued that you can learn without a university and that uni is so messed up that this one has elected a crazy pirate as it’s union president. Emily Walker compared student life to old age, the ability to lie in bed all day, being able to have a carer, getting drugs for free, frickle frackling and lots of money to go wild with. Derek Crosby compared education to prison. He added not only do you learn most of your material from online sources over lectures but you will be an expert on nothing and everything you love will suffer. 

The debate then went to the floor. The motion passed on a vote.