This House Would Colonise The Moon (Dufferin Debate)

The 22nd Ordinary Meeting of the 165th Session of the Literific took place on the 1st of May in the Senate Room. It was attended by 26 members because the PISP had the cheek to have their formal on the same day. I am determined that that is the sole reason we did not have the entire student population in attendance. Some people tried to tell me how to write my minutes, some people got told off. Okay, so I’m not certain what number it was, but it was our Dufferin Prize Debate for Best Speaker of the Society and took the style of British Parliamentary meaning the motion wasn’t known until 15 minutes before the debate-ooooh. It being a competition and all, it was judged by Andrew Carruthers, Stephen Goss, Julia Andrade Rocha, Naomh Gibson and Adam Kydd with the whole thing being chaired by our Eternal Leader, the wonderful Paul Shannon. I wish Paul could just chair every debate.

Okay okay, so then we played Just Three Minutes which was won by President Kydd, whatever. Questions to the Council were heard from Brendan Kelters, Julia Andrade Rocha, Andrew Carruthers and Torr Coggan and were about certain council members stolen goods, how certain council members would deal with our now arch nemesis, the PISP, and certain interesting and horrible parties involving lingerie and such that certain council members were going to. Questions to the President were heard from Nic Brinza, Jonny Finlay, Ben Murphy and Alex Philpot and were about what President Kydd would change about the past and his pretentious breakfasts. Finally, eventually, we got to the debate. The motion was announced as being ‘This House Would Colonise the Moon’.

According the Order Paper, one E.L. Godkin, also known as Ben Murphy, opened the debate. He argued that we should fulfil the dreams of past rulers to take over the moon. He said it would be easy as the moon doesn’t have any people and that even though (according to the facts provided to the speakers) that the moon would wreck our immune system that fulfilling wishes was more important and that we’d leave the EU is needed for our empire.

Fionn Rodgers opened for the opposition. He countered that the British Empire didn’t work out so well. He argued that there was no point going anywhere else in the solar system as Earth is the only planet worth living on. Instead of going to the moon he proposed that we sort out the planet we live on. The Adam got fined for, in my opinion, disrespecting our Eternal Leader. Not that I’m keeping count, but that’s two bottles of port he owes the House.

Harry Adair continued for the proposition. He told the House that it was our legacy and destiny to continue and explore to learn more about our planet and neighbours. He said that it was economically viable and would advance our terra technology. By setting up a home on the moon we would be ensuring that we will be able to continue our species if we destroy our planet.

Emily Walker then closed the debate. She said that it was naïve to think going to the moon was brave, that we have ruined people. She told the House that politics will dissect the moon and would make in a toy for politicians. She argued that the worst of our specimen, those that had decided who should stay on Earth and die, and those with the most money would live on in the moon and continue our race. Instead of allowing this to happen she asked the House to stay on Earth and die together as a proud nation.

The debate then went to the floor. Questions were heard from Nic Brinza, Marko Salopek, Calvin Black, Torr Coggan, Jonny Finlay, Aaron Toland and of course, Brendan Kelters who made a very not so brief four speeches from the floor. There was singing, there were Sesami Street quotes and general weirdness. Yeah, everyone went a bit mental when the judges left the room.

Then we had a vote and the motion passed. Then the judges came back, made a few burns and then announced Harry Adair as our Queen’s Orator.


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