The Comedy Debate: This House Would be a Student

The 21st Ordinary Meeting of the 165th session of the Literific took place on the 3rd of April in the Senate Room. It was attended by 31 members, probably due to the fact that we had a four hour AGM the day before. Questions were heard from Andrew Carruthers, Brendan Kelters, Christine Fleming and me. Yet again, we made fun of President Kydd’s fashion sense. President Kydd then waved the law preventing obscenity due to the nature of the motion. Considering these minutes have to be an accurate representation of the debate we might find some choice phrases within them, don’t hate the playa, hate the game.

The motion was This House Would Be a Student and saw three comedians battle against three students. Oh yeah.

George Quinn opened the debate for the supposedly funny people. He talked about how depressing his life is but more importantly there was magic. Magic! I kid you not. Bottle of buckfast in a balloon. It was pretty cool. He used buckfast as an example of something that is only socially acceptable to drink while a student. He said students are lucky to do what they like, to not have a job and to not have to feel guilty about it.

Cap’n Gallagher, going against his Union responsibilities, opened for the opposition. He said that university conditions you to a certain lifestyle that makes it hard to leave. He said that pursuing intelligence was a waste of time as smart people are hated and what’s the point in actually advancing humanity when there are people that think humans and dinosaurs coexisted. He argued that you can learn without a university and that uni is so messed up that this one has elected a crazy pirate as it’s union president. Madness.

Viorel Vlad continued for the proposition. He spoke from a postgraduate point of view, remembering the days of undergraduate. He said that deadlines build character, like God’s deadline for creating the world. He said exam stress is an anagram for…something. He argued that university is a time to learn independence, gain freedom and develop yourself as a human to become an integrated part of society. Plus we need people with all that time on their hands to progress humanity and serve you your food.

Emily Walker then continued for the opposition. She asked the House to think about a time where you have all the luxuries of being a student, but none of the drawbacks, when you are an old age pensioner. She compared student life to old age, the ability to lie in bed all day, being able to have a carer, getting drugs for free, frickle frackling (there was many more about this than I was comfortable with) and lots of money to go wild with. Being old is deffo the dream.

Neil Dickson closed for proposition. Sex, drugs, rock and roll ie what student life is all about. He compared his life with that of his friends that went to university. He brought up the unique ability of students to go out five days a week and the greatness of learning about random stuff. As well as this, he commented on the rich relationship between student and society such as student versus landlord.

Derek Crosby closed he debate. His great attention to detail was made obvious by him drawing over his notes. He compared education to prison. Although you get learn what you want in university it doesn’t account for the fact that you’re being taught by someone who is only interested in getting a professorship and doesn’t teach you anything that’s happened in the last 40 years. Not only do you learn most of your material from online sources over lectures but you will be an expert on nothing and everything you love will suffer.

The debate then went to the floor. Questions were heard from Nic Brinza, Andrew Carruthers, James McAlister, Paddy Mallon, Nick Millington and Stephen Goss. Each side summarised and we went to a vote.
The motion passed with 27 ayes and 10 nayes so ya’all can’t complain.


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