This House Would Make a Sex Tape – Take 2

The 11th Ordinary Meeting of the 165th session of the Literific took place on the 12th of December in the Senate Room. President Kydd had a few announcements which were meh and then we elected Andy to a new council position we made, #woot.

Naomh Gibson, in full on seductive gear, introduced a play that she had written with Alex Philpot, entitled ‘Shameresign, a Forbidden Love Story’. Suffice it to say that this was the most disturbing thing I have ever witnessed. Adam and Goss were making out, Andy was in the corner narrating it, they kept talking about Adam’s ‘bell’, I can’t even.

Goss had to then redress before saying his speech. His speech was also just, why. He talked about porn, porn titles, and how if we made a sex tape we could fulfil our wild desires of sleeping with all our members-which we think about during Brendan’s points.

Jonny decided to talk about our orgasm faces and how those would be terrible. He also decided that a Literific sex tape would be crap because who wants to watch seven minutes, with the first and last minute protected, and shouts of ‘briefly Mr Kelters’.

Ben had porn music playing in the background of his speech. He seemed excited about the potential of a Literificat/Rag Man sex tape and all the money we could make. We could entitle our sex tape ’50 Shades of Corduroy’. Yup.

Emily said the three reasons you’d want to make a sex tape are 1) for fun 2) to remember the good old times and 3) to make money. Then she said a sex tape would just be totally awkward and had some graphic images about why. She also said we’d all look crap on camera and that one day someone’s going to find your sex tape.

Marie-Louise brought up Kim Kardashian. She had some points but all I could think about was her totally weird paragraph for an intro to our sex tape, ‘dim lighting, red drapes, faux fur rugs (because we’re not savages) and crimson lingerie. All very specific, all very disturbing.

Ciaran Gallagher also had points but then he brought up the fact he had experience with ‘that sort of thing’ so I kind of just didn’t believe him. He also super did not want to speak. Then he said something about nice guys finish last.

The debate went to the floor. By this point I was sick. It was terrible. Then the motion was defeated. Weird.

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